


we all die alone

by gudesanha



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Most of the time, Possible Character Death, Recreational Drug Use, Underage Drinking, Violence, abuse maybe?, fluffier & crackier than it sounds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-05 00:04:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14604708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gudesanha/pseuds/gudesanha
Summary: "yeah," donghyuck says, eyes blinking owlishly,  everything about him too innocent for someone who was about to kill a man and, judging by his deadly ease, had probably done it before. "what's your point?(or in which donghyuck is assigned as a bodyguard to some ceo's son, but it turns out he is one of the very criminals mark is running from.)





	1. i'm worse than you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if anything, it went from worse to worser

donghyuck knew this mission was fucked before it even started.

honestly, what's the point of sneaking into the mansion of some ceo with a stick up his ass and stealing an equally useless object when it's obvious he's going to get caught? he even voiced these complaints to his handler and probably even best friend, johnny, but the older boy had just swatted at him and scoffed at him in usual manner. fine, donghyuck had thought as he stormed out of the room, careful to not step any of johnny's prized computer parts. he's gonna regret this when i'm right.

unsurprisingly, he's right. it turns out the security had been even tighter than the scouts had thought, and it takes donghyuck way longer than it usually does for him to break through. it doesn't help at all that the higher ups had oh so wisely decided to send him with one of the biggest idiots on the planet; xu minghao. sure, the boy seemed nimble and relatively quiet, but as soon as they got even relatively close to the location, he got _way_ too excited. donghyuck recalls the older boy almost biffing it at least five times (and succeeding a few times, too), and he screams when he saw something he thought was a mouse. a  _mouse,_ for god's sake.

thankfully, minghao seems to have somewhat calmed down when they arrive (the calm before the storm, donghyuck's mind helpfully supplies). he tugs a hat over his raven colored hair and gives donghyuck a bright smile, not looking concerned at all. "i'm glad i got paired with you for my first mission, hyuck."

donghyuck sighs and runs a hand down his face, trying not to let his slight annoyance show. minghao was, after all, a total rookie. "how many times do i have to remind you that we have to go by codenames,  _eight_ , even if they're boring like yours? this is a serious mission."

he tries to ignore the embarrassed blush coloring the other boy's cheeks and mumbles into his earpiece, telling johnny that they arrived even though he had probably been monitoring their activity the whole time. he starts to scale the large fence surrounding the overtly luxurious home when he got the okay from his handler, accustomed to the slight burning in his arms and legs as he climbs. it was clear his partner was not, though, because he can hear minghao's heavy breathing and occasional frightened whimper from his position a few feet above. donghyuck is tempted to snap at him to be quiet, but he doesn't want to blow their cover, so he says nothing.

donghyuck stays perched atop the fence for a few moments to let the other catch up, and takes the time to survey their surroundings. to say the house was big was a huge understatement, and the expansive lawns and crystal clear pools surrounding it is even more evidence of the family's money. there is a surprising amount of lights shining through the windows for the ungodly hour of 3 a.m., and donghyuck thinks he can see someone leaning out of one of the higher ones. the sight sets a nervous feeling in his stomach.

things seem to pass relatively smoothly after that, with donghyuck doing his routine sweep of the grounds and security, and minghao following behind in awe. to his annoyance, even the side entrances have an unreasonable amount of complicated locks, and despite donghyuck's skills and experience, he has to ask for help.

he can practically hear the smirk in johnny's voice as the boy's voice crackles through his earpiece. after a minute of teasing and whispered threats from johnny and donghyuck respectfully, the handler starts to explain how to disarm the security. even with his detailed instructions, donghyuck's nimble hands, and minghao's outstanding moral support, it takes them a fair amount of time to crack it, far more time than they have to spare.

it's eerily quiet as they slowly step inside, as if the house had only appeared alive from the outside and in reality was empty. it's clear how much money even the smallest items that litter the large room had cost, and if things were different, donghyuck would feel bad for tracking mud all over the pristine white carpet. if things didn't go as planned, mud wouldn't be the worst thing staining these floors by the end of the night.

"i don't see any guards, but be careful. something feels wrong here," johnny's voice comes over the line, and the other boy hums in acknowledgment as he pulls his gun out of its holster and makes his way towards the spiral staircase, minghao trailing behind.

donghyuck is almost halfway up the seemingly endless staircase when johnny whispers into his earpiece, stopping him in his tracks. "hyuck," he says his normally playful voice dead serious. "you need to get out of there. right now."

he jerks his head towards the entrance in a signal for minghao to leave and is about to say something in response when something heavy hits his body full on, sending him tumbling down the stairs and skidding to a stop at the bottom. donghyuck attempts to stand, swallowing the pain flaring through his body as he curses himself. how did he not sense the man ahead of them before it was too late?

the man is a full head taller than him and definitely more muscular, and he quickly strides up to donghyuck with a vengeful look in his dark eyes. the two men grapple for a minute, and donghyuck manages to get a few punches and cuts in before the other man sweeps a leg into the back of his knees, sending him crashing rather ungracefully to the ground. his large hands lock in a vicelike grip around donghyuck's neck and he squeezes, his knees digging into the smaller boy's ribs.

donghyuck writhes and claws at the grip cutting off his airflow, but it's clear his attempts were futile and the man wasn't letting him go anytime soon. he would call for help or curse at the man if he was been able to speak, but he is unable to do anything but gasp for air. remembering the knife he kept hidden in his boot, he attenpts to twist his body to reach it, but the man is like dead weight on top of him and his reach is just a few inches too short.

the hands around his neck tighten, and donghyuck's attempts to escape weaken with each passing second without oxygen. his lungs burn and the weight of the man atop of him makes him feel as if he were suffocating, and just when donghyuck's vision is almost fully dark and his eyes are starting to close, something flashes in his peripheral vision and suddenly, the grip around his throat is gone.

the thud and hushed voices fell on deaf ears as donghyuck was too busy practically coughing his lungs up to notice the two arguing figures a few feet away from him. it's especially hard to breathe with the mask covering the lower half of his face, and he's sure that his throat was already bruising. 

after a minute of laying on the floor, the sound of donghyuck's heart beating eventually quiets and he can hear johnny yelling frantically into his earpiece, and he manages to gasp out a shaky, "i'm okay." he starts to sit up, his joints aching and skin bruised from the fight, when someone to his left coughs rather awkwardly.

the man from earlier is gone, and in his place is a boy who couldn't have been much older than donghyuck. his hair is perfect on one side and standing on end on the other, as if he had been sleeping heavily, and he has an equally sheepish and scared look on his face. a few drops of blood are smeared across his pajama shirt (is that  _silk?_ donghyuck can't help but wonder), but it isn't clear if the blood belongs to him or someone else. his chocolate eyes slowly drift down to the slowly appearing red marks on the other boy's neck and the way he holds his left side as if he is in pain and his expression morphs from fear into something akin to pity.

the two of them sit in silence for what seems like forever. it's painfully obvious how different they were, one boy all bruised knuckles and venom while the other is pure silk and beams of moonlight shining through windows. donghyuck can't help but wonder if things were different, if  _he_ were different, maybe he would be just like the other boy. but he's not.

the silence is shattered by quick footsteps stomping down the stairs and urgent voices shouting from above, and donghyuck is reminded of the cruel reality he lives in. "go," the boy whispers, a warning and a plea all at once, and for once in his life, he listens.

\---

donghyuck doesn't remember much of how he managed to get home, but he vaguely recalls one of the older agents (taeyong? minhyuk? he's not sure) scolding him as they practically drag him into one of the company's vans, and he's pretty sure he passed out in the back seat as soon as he got in. to be fair, it had been a long and rather painful day.

he wakes up in a bed he recognizes as belonging to the infirmary, and their resident doctor, kun, stands above him with a rather stressed look on his face. the man's caramel hair was mussed as if he had been running his hands through it, and he is dressed in casual clothes rather than scrubs or something more appropriate for a doctor. his brows furrow as he notices that his patient is awake.

"hey, lee donghyuck," he frowns, but it's clear that he had been worried. "what did i tell you about getting hurt like this?"

the boy in question scoffs and crosses his arms dramatically, ignoring the sharp ache in his side and head. "it wasn't even my fault this time! and it's not even that bad, you big baby."

kun flips a page on his ever present clipboard and scrawls something down, shaking his head at the younger boy. "i wouldn't call 2 bruised ribs, a minor head injury, bruises on your throat, and various cuts and bruises  _not bad_ , donghyuck. stop being dense," he intones, still frowning down at his papers. "we were all worried about you, you know."

donghyuck can't help but smile shyly at this. kun had always had a soft spot for him. "aw, kunnie," he coos absentmindedly, making his best attempt to sneak out without getting scolded again. he was a busy man and he had things to do, after all. he continues to make small talk with the older man, slowly but surely inching his way towards the doorway.

renjun, kun's apprentice, is spread out across the couch and looks up from his intimidatingly thick book when donghyuck gets closer to his escape. the dark-haired boy seems to grasp what was going on after a second of looking at his friend's pleading expression, and makes a motion like he's zipping his lips, eyes twinkling, before going back to his book like nothing had happened.

the doctor only notices donghyuck's absence when the door slams shut and he's already long gone, shoes squeaking against the linoleum floor as he snickers at the sound of an angry voice calling after him. it definitely isn't the first time he had snuck out like this, but kun had always been too soft and had conveniently forgotten about his antics every time.

he slows to a stop outside a familiar door with the letters _J. SEO_ engraved into the dark wood and enters without knocking, kicking his shoes off as if he had just arrived home.

something flies through the air as soon as he closes the door and he ducks to avoid the item (one of johnny's chewbacca slippers that donghyuck had bought for him the year before). "soonyoung, you little fucker," a voice from further inside bellows, "is that you?"

smiling slightly, donghyuck eyes the familiar sight of his best friend's room, the organized mess the same as the last time he had been in here. various electronics and tools are scattered across the floor, no doubt having been tossed after johnny had fiddled with them for a while and then gotten distracted, and a few pizza boxes that look alarmingly old are littered here and there. well, donghyuck thinks. that explains the smell.

the hacker/handler/total idiot is sprawled across his bed, one hand typing furiously on his laptop and the other buried in a bag of chips that he occasionally munches on in typical johnny behavior. donghyuck is a bit surprised to see sicheng, his other closest friend, sitting rather precariously on top of the oldest man's desk, looking bored and blowing his newly dyed pink hair out of his face as he frowns at something on his phone.

johnny finally glances up from whatever nerdy thing he's doing this time and is about to say something (probably  _lee donghyuck, thank you ever so much for gracing us with your presence_ , or something equally dramatic and ugly) when sicheng speaks from across the room.

"you look like shit."

 "yeah, i feel like shit too," donghyuck sighs, gingerly climbing onto johnny's bed and leaning against the wall, trying (and failing) to steal some of his chips.

johnny types one last sentence into his computer before slamming it shut and turning to the boy beside him, a scowl on his face. "lee donghyuck," he huffs, an unidentifiable emotion coloring his deep voice. "do you know how fucking worried i was about you?"

donghyuck's mouth hangs open slightly in shock (causing sicheng to giggle) and he starts to speak when his friend holds up a hand and silences him.

"how did you even fuck up that bad?" he questions, but the way he grimaces at the bruises on donghyuck's throat before looking down at his hands betrays his worry for the younger boy. "all you had to do was  _steal_   _something,_ and we all know that's no challenge for you. and here i thought minghao was the dumb one."

"you can't even talk," donghyuck protests loudly. "you're the one who thought it was a good idea to push your couch off of the second story and have me and sicheng catch it when we helped you move last year. and remember when you got a concussion because you hit your head on a doorframe?"

sicheng bursts out laughing at this, a dainty hand covering his mouth as his eyes sparkle with mirth. this, however, just directs donghyuck's wrath towards him instead. "and you! you puked on some hot guy on your first mission, plus you cried for a week straight when that one girl group disbanded a few months ago."

the chinese man stops laughing and straightens up, pointing an accusing finger at donghyuck as johnny giggles in the background. "leave stellar out of this!"

the three of them continue to argue for a few minutes over things like which of them had done the dumbest thing and which girl group was superior before sicheng grows silent, leaning against the wall and frowning as if he were trying to find the right words to say. "seriously, though," he says to donghyuck after a moment. "you should really like, i don't know, get a new job or something. you get hurt too much."

johnny is quick to nod in agreement, but donghyuck just frowns at his friends. "this is all i've ever done, and you know it's not that simple." he sighs. "but i have applied for a few side jobs, if that makes you happier."

their faces brighten at this, and after a little prodding, they manage to persuade donghyuck into telling them about the mission. the room is silent when he finishes, and sicheng looks uncharacteristically angry while johnny has a mildly nauseous expression on his face. "i remember that," he murmurs thoughtfully, his fingers tapping against his leg in a nervous habit. "you would've been screwed if that one kid didn't save you. now that i mention it, i'm not sure why he did. wasn't that the ceo's son?"

"never mind who he is, how the fuck do you know he saved me?"

"let's just say i might've sewn some mini cameras into the clothes you were wearing. don't give me that look! someone has to keep track of you, and unfortunately, that someone is me," johnny admits sheepishly. they're about to start arguing again when sicheng looks up from his phone and informs them that dinner is starting soon and if they don't get their asses up, he's gonna eat their food. this effectively wipes all thoughts of arguing out of their minds.

they hurry downstairs and joined the others at the large dinner table in their shared dorm, sicheng and johnny sitting near kun and taeyong's empty spot while donghyuck sits himself down next to renjun and jaemin. soft voices weave through the air and fill the silence, the occasional laugh ringing through the dining room. they all seem to avoid the topic of donghyuck's failed mission, but he doesn't miss the worried glances they all send his way. the conversation starts to lull when the door opens noisily and a man practically falls inside, hair and clothes soaked from the rain that had been relentlessly falling for the past hour or so. 

everyone jumps up and swarms the newcomer, the younger ones (and johnny) practically hanging off of him as the others watch in amusement. his dark hair is plastered to his forehead and there a small cut marring the clear skin of his neck causes blood to slowly trail down and stain his shirt, and a faint blush colors his cheeks when someone pointed it out to him.

"taeyong," donghyuck calls out softly, affection warming his chest when the taller man turns to him and beams. "did you just get back from your mission?"

taeyong sighs and nods slightly, kicking off his shoes and gingerly peeling his wet coat off of his body. "yeah. it was tough, but i made it. what about you, hyuckie? did everything go alright?"

judging by the blank look on his face and the way everyone winces slightly at the question, the mission had not gone well, but taeyong would have to ask about it after he changes into dry clothes. "we'll talk at dinner, okay?"

kun waves everyone into the kitchen and they attempt to get dinner started while he and donghyuck, the only ones beside taeyong who could actually cook, watch in amusement and subtly stop everyone from burning the kitchen down every five minutes. things are going surprisingly well until the ever-so-clumsy johnny somehow manages to trip over nothing and brings half of the ingredients down with him, grains of rice and poorly chopped pieces of vegetables littering the floor as everyone bursts into laughter, holding their aching stomachs. just when the laughter started to die down, someone glances at johnny wheezing as he lays sprawled out on the floor, and it starts all over again.

"hey," taeyong chuckled, drying his hair with a towel as he steps into the kitchen and eyes the mess. "i thought you guys were doing the cooking tonight, not making a mess for me to clean up."

the other agents slowly haul themselves up and wipe tears out of their eyes, still giggling slightly as they clean up the floor and get back to work. taeyong makes his way over to where donghyuck sits on the counter, trying not to wince when pain flares up his left side as he hops up next to him. the younger boy's expression is a mix of amusement and slight pain, and taeyong raises his eyebrows in a silent question as he gets comfortable.

"it hurts to laugh," donghyuck explains, slowly forcing the hand that held his side to fall into his lap. the leader hums in acknowledgement and turns back to where (most) of the others are making a serious attempt at finishing dinner, a fond look flitting over his face.

"yeah, kun told me some of what happened. are you sure you're okay?" taeyong asks without looking at him, and donghyuck is just starting to answer when renjun shouts that dinner is finished and everyone rushs back into the dining room, nearly trampling each other in the process.

things are comfortably quiet as everyone shoved as much food into their mouth as they can possibly fit, and surprisingly, dinner turns out to be edible. johnny collapses dramatically into a chair when he sees the content looks on everyone's faces, wiping nonexistent sweat off of his forehead as if he had done all the work, even though he had mostly just entertained the others with his horrible dancing and slightly less horrible freestyle rapping.

"hyuck," johnny says after a moment, mouth full of food as he precariously rocks his chair onto its back legs. "tell yong about what happened."

donghyuck chews and swallows the rest of the food in his mouth at a snail's pace in an attempt to stall, but he eventually sighs and starts to tell the story for what seems like the hundredth time today. the rest of the boys stay mostly quiet as he spoke, save for a few appropriate reactions (laughing at his partner's antics, gasping when he described the fighting), but taeyong is noticeably silent. when donghyuck finishes and glances over at him, his eyebrows are furrowed and he seems almost angry as he stares down at the table.

"why didn't they send someone else?" taeyong finally growls, his face softening slightly when he sees how donghyuck recoils at the tone of his voice. "the higher-ups must've known how dangerous the people living in that place are, but they still sent two of our younger agents and not someone who had been there before."

he sighs and runs a hand through his still damp hair, and suddenly the circles under his eyes and the way he holds himself as if his very bones are tired becomes painfully obvious. taeyong has been one of the leaders of their group since donghyuck had arrived all those years ago, and he takes care of the others as if they're his family, but it's so easy to forgot about all of that when the oldest messes around and laughs about stupid stuff like everyone else does.

"i'll talk to someone about it," taeyong mutters, leaning his head against the back of his chair and closing his dark eyes. "and donghyuck, you're prohibited from going on missions for at least a month, or however long it takes for you to get a little better."

donghyuck sits up in shock and is about to protest when kun jumps in and changes the topic, pointing a chopstick threateningly at the younger boy. "speaking of healing, how did you manage to sneak out with all of those injuries? you were supposed to rest for at least another day."

"well, a high pain tolerance is pretty much required for this job," he shrugs, effectively distracted, and the words trigger a flash of memories in his mind, a few fleeting seconds of overwhelming pain and words whispered by a lilting voice. a strange feeling wells up inside of him, a disorienting mix of confusion and fear that forces him into one of his unhealthiest and most used coping mechanisms; making jokes. "how could i not have one after what happened with ten?"

the soft voices from around the table quiet instantly at this and taeyong's head snaps over, just like it always does when donghyuck says something dumb and hurtful like this. "lee donghyuck," he speaks slowly, low voice somehow calm and angry at the same time. "we don't talk about what happened. you know that."

the silence stretches into minutes, and the weight of everyone's gazes resting heavily on him mixed with the guilt he felt for saying something that so clearly bothered taeyong brings the familiar burning of tears to donghyuck's eyes, but he swallows his emotions and looks down. he wants to say that it wasn't fair, that they didn't know because those horrible things all those years ago had happened to  _him,_ not them, but it feels as if his heart settles in his aching throat and prevents him from saying a word.

at times like these, donghyuck wishs he was different. he wishs he was more like taeyong, who always considers their feelings and never hurt them, or even johnny, who always knows how to cheer him up. but instead, donghyuck's words fall off of his sharp tongue like poison before he can even think of stopping himself, and he only realizes what he'd done when it's too late.

jaemin eventually breaks the silence by telling an equally ridiculous and hilarious story about him and his partner, soonyoung, somehow managing to get into a fight at taco bell on their latest mission, and everyone laughs along and quickly forgets about the past tension.

"speaking of 17, how is minghao?" donghyuck asks quietly. 17 and NCT were two of the best groups under their agency, and due to their closeness in age and the fact that both groups live in the same building, they're all close. taeyong often spends time with the other leader, seungcheol, and sicheng goes out every weekend with the two other chinese members.

taeyong is assuring him that the other boy is fine and had escaped when a loud knock sounds at the door, interrupting him. he stands with a puzzled look on his face and leaves the room to answer the door. they never got visitors, and whenever someone knocked, everyone expected the worst.

this time, however, they actually got the worst; all thirteen members of 17 cramming into their apartment for one of their spontaneous and dreaded visits.

they all engulf taeyong as soon as he opens the door, laughing and yelling rather rowdily for a group of trained assassins and agents. johnny and jaemin quickly join the mass of bodies in the living room, while the more reserved members stay behind.

minghao and one of the others (jisoo? jeonghan? donghyuck always gets them mixed up) make their way over to where he is still sitting at the table, matching grins on their faces. he notices how his partner walks with a subtle limp and grimaces in sympathy. he had gotten hurt on his first mission, too.

someone (probably chan) had turned on obnoxiously loud music that made it sound as if they were in a club, and they have to shout over it to be heard. after watching johnny and mingyu having a hilariously bad dance battle (mingyu was declared the winner and johnny fell to the floor in anguish), donghyuck turns to his friend and smiles. "i'm glad you made it out safely last night."

"me too!" minghao practically shouts in his ear, warm breath tickling donghyuck's neck and making him shiver. "i rolled my ankle when i booked it out of there, but that's nothing compared to you, honestly. by the way, have you talked to any of the other groups lately? we tried to visit X and MOON, but they were being boring as fuck."

the conversation quickly switchs from their injuries to the latest gossip in their company, but whether the rumors were true or not has yet to be decided. minghao squeals about how one of the girls from MOON had found a girlfriend on a mission and how romantic it was, while donghyuck simply scoffs at how cliché the whole thing is. who the fuck falls in love with one of their targets?

jaemin, the gossip king himself, skips over to them and slings an arm over each of their shoulders, reeking of alcohol. when his friend asks where he had gotten the liquor, jaemin simply ruffles his hair and clings onto him even tighter, wrapping his arms around the donghyuck's torso much like a koala would.

"stop it," donghyuck hisses, halfheartedly swatting his hands away. jaemin, unfortunately, is a lightweight due to never drinking and was disgustingly clingy under the influence. "yong is gonna fucking kill you and whoever brought the soju."

minghao winces not-so-subtly at this, and his partner gives him a disapproving glare. "xu minghao, if taeyong kills you tonight, i'm definitely not gonna feel bad for your dumb ass."

before either of them could say another word, jaemin unwraps himself from around donghyuck and grabs his wrist, somehow managing to drag him onto the impromptu dance floor that used to be the living room. a girl group song (probably selected by sicheng) blares so loudly that donghyuck can feel the bass, and in that moment, he decides that he really,  _really_ despises all members of 17. sure, they had seemed normal at first - well, as normal as a group of teenage assassins could seem, but it had turned out that they were notorious for their rowdy parties celebrating anything from a completed (or failed) mission to a birthday, and all of the parties ended up with a massive headache and lecture from taeyong the day after.

donghyuck makes his way over to where sicheng is sitting cross-legged atop the coffee table that had been pushed absentmindedly against the wall, frowning slightly at his phone just as he had been earlier. "are you texting a boy or something?"

sicheng had obviously been focused on the screen, startling when the younger boy speaks loudly and sits down next to him. "ah, no," he sighs, pointedly turning his phone off and placing it face down on his lap. "HQ is trying to convince me into going on a mission, but this is supposed to be my break and i really don't want to. they're really persistent, though."

donghyuck nodded in acknowledgement, leaning his head back against the wall and trying to ignore the dull ache pulsating through his body. the past is definitely a touchy subject in their little group and they try to avoid speaking of it, but he knows that sicheng had been enlisted even before he had come. it's widely known that sicheng is mainly used as a distraction during missions, his ethereal beauty and smooth words able to seduce any target while the others prepare to move in for the kill, but donghyuck has seen the deadly grace that his friend has moved with before and knows he was more than fully capable of killing.

the rest of the night is a haze. donghyuck stumbles into his room and falls asleep sometime after wonwoo and seungcheol get into a fist fight and johnny somehow manages to break the kitchen table. his exhaustion seems to make his nightmares, which appear more often than not, less severe, but they must've bad enough that one of the others comes to comfort him. he doesn't remember much except for a gentle hand running through his hair and someone holding him until he stops trembling and falls back asleep, but when he wakes again, sicheng is sleeping with his upper body hanging off the bed and is snoring loudly.

sighing and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, donghyuck climbs out of bed and tries not to disturb his sleeping friend, walking out of the room and closing the door with a soft  _click._ the other doors lining the hallway are all closed except for kun's, and as he slowly walks closer, he can hear quiet voices seeping out.

"...worried about donghyuck," taeyong is murmuring, and the boy's head snaps up at the sound of his name. "remember how ten was when we were younger? hyuck is just like he used to be, and honestly, i kind of have a bad feeling about this. johnny told me that he's almost too good at this, that he kills without thinking, and he still has nightmares about what happened with ten. we might have to do something before he snaps just like his brother did."

taeyong's voice fades out and kun starts to speak, but donghyuck is too shocked to register what the other man is saying. he stumbles backwards until his back is against the cool wall, head swimming with thoughts of betrayal and disbelief. taeyong had filled the role in donghyuck's life that ten had abandoned when he had left, and he'd told the older man anything and everything because he thought he could trust him.

his voice rises in volume as if he is coming closer to the door, and donghyuck quickly escapes to the kitchen, his heart racing. he fills a glass with water and tries to convince himself that taeyong hadn't said those terrible things, that he had just heard him wrong, but he knows the truth.

taeyong yawns as he walked into the room, seemingly not noticing the other boy as he sits down at the now crooked table and pulls out his phone. it's only when donghyuck sets his glass down in fear that he would drop it if he held it any longer that taeyong notices his presence. "hyuckie, why are you awake?" he asks, and the concerned look on his face makes donghyuck feel sick to his stomach. "it's, like, 4 a.m."

"i heard everything you said."

he looks equally innocent and confused, and when the truth starts to dawn on him, donghyuck continues to speak. "is that really what you think? that i'm dangerous?" his voice sounds hysterical, even to his own ears, and donghyuck isn't sure if he wants to punch taeyong in the face or start crying. anger is settling heavily in his stomach, and the words fall off of his tongue before he can stop them. "if you're that scared that i'll do something bad, then kill me. put me out of my fucking misery, just like you probably did to ten."

a fire burns in taeyong's dark eyes at those words, and before donghyuck can regret saying anything, a hand flashes through the air  and he falls backwards. he lands on his bad side and pain shoots through him like a bullet, but the angry look on the older man's face shocks him into feeling nothing. the situation is painfully familiar to donghyuck, the familiarity bringing back memories that rise from the back of his mind and tear at him, taking his breath away and instilling an unreasonable fear inside him.

taeyong calms down after a moment, all of the tension and anger disappearing from him and being replaced with a sad sort of regret, but donghyuck is already rising and stumbling away from him. the younger boy grabs a coat and quickly pulls on shoes with shaking hands, ignoring taeyong's pleas for him to stop and just listen as he snatches his phone off of the counter and storms out. it feels as if he's drowning, gasping for breath as his vision blurs.

donghyuck's feet act of their own accord and carry him down countless empty streets, and he's too deep in his thoughts to register the stinging cold against his face and hands or the constant buzzing of his phone in his pocket. he ends up sitting on the curb as the sun rises and slowly colors the sky with oranges and purples, and he recognizes the dark building behind him as the small bakery where he had met the group for the first time.

he shakes his head and pulls his phone out of his pocket, scoffing at the excessive amount of notifications he has received. there 19 missed calls from sicheng, 9 messages from both jaemin and renjun, 3 messages and a voicemail from johnny, and just one message from taeyong. donghyuck clicks on the button to erase all of the notifications and sighs, hesitating for a moment before calling sicheng.

sicheng picks up on the second ring, his voice sounding rather sleepy but worried nonetheless. "lee donghyuck," he hisses, but the way his voice shakes slightly makes his angry tone less intimidating. "where the fuck are you? you've been gone for 2 hours."

donghyuck mumbles a rather half-assed excuse but begs the older boy to not tell taeyong anything, biting his lip in worry when he just hums in acknowledgement.

"fine," sicheng sighs after a minute, sounding conflicted. "i won't tell taeyong, but i'm sending someone to come get you."

he hangs up before the other boy can even complain, quickly speaking to someone in mandarin before the call ends and the phone beeps annoyingly loud into donghyuck's ear, and he's left alone again. the quiet street finally starts to awaken, the silence slowly being filled with the quiet sounds of footsteps against concrete and doors slamming shut. donghyuck stays like that for a while, chin resting in his hand as people pass him by and continue with their own lives, chatting mindlessly about their own problems, big and small.

hunger is just beginning to gnaw at his stomach and rain is starting to fall when the sound of running footsteps get louder and johnny skids to a stop beside him, breathing heavily as if he had run a long distance. to be fair, he probably has. "i can't believe you made me come all the way out here."

"i never said you had to come get me. i would've been fine on my own," donghyuck scoffs, and his friend is quick to roll his eyes.

"i did it because i was worried about you! we all were," johnny's voice started to rise in volume, and raindrops slowly ran down the sharp angles and gentle curves of his face.

the rain is falling even harder than before, and despite the chill settling in his bones and the wet clothes sticking to his body, donghyuck doesn't want to go anywhere. "do you know why i left?"

johnny just shakes his head wordlessly, and donghyuck continues. "he hit me. just like ten used to," he says quietly, and his voice shakes despite his effort to keep it steady. the older man seems to not know about what really happened, carefully controlled anger burning in his eyes as avoided eye contact.

"hyuck," he starts again, his voice softer and more cautious before, as if he was soothing a wild animal. "it's okay, just come home. please."

donghyuck shakes his head and backs away, but his heel hits the curb and sends him stumbling backwards. the taller man quickly grabs him by the wrist and saves him from falling, the action rattling donghyuck and wrenching a pained cry from his lips.

johnny's grip around his wrist is painfully tight and he doesn't let go, choosing instead to look stubbornly at donghyuck. "i'm not leaving until you agree to come back."

donghyuck just grits his teeth and ignores the bruising hold his friend (frenemy? he thought that sounded about right at this point), red marks blooming over the golden skin of his arm. he is just starting to consider kicking johnny in the shin as hard as he can when the soft rumbling of an engine fills the air and a shiny black SUV pulls up next to them. donghyuck is too busy glaring daggers at the taller man across from him to see who gets out of the car, but judging by his expression that quickly morphs from confusion to recognition until he finally settles on a pout, his lower lip sticking out almost comically. "hey," the stranger says, his smooth voice steady. "let him go!"

donghyuck's eyes flick to the man and he barely registers furrowed eyebrows and a sharp jawline before he turns back to johnny and resumes his struggle, trying his best not to smirk. he can't just pass up on an opportunity to mess with johnny, no matter how upset he is. "you heard him, let me go!" the lie and the desperation in his voice sound real, even to him, and the way johnny tries to stammer out an excuse brings donghyuck some sort of sick joy.

when he sees that johnny isn't budging, too shocked by donghyuck's sudden change and newfound evil to move, the stranger stomps rather dramatically up to them and wrenches johnny's hand away as if it were nothing, sending donghyuck a concerned look when the shorter boy immediately pulls his wrist away and rubs it. donghyuck can't help but wonder who this seemingly just stranger is and why he thinks so highly of himself and his abilities to get in between two fighting strangers. he is, to say the least, intrigued.

"hey, i don't know who you are, but you shouldn't be assaulting people like this," the stranger frowns at johnny, not seeing the way donghyuck sticks his tongue out spitefully at his friend. "leave before i report you to the police."

johnny backs away after another moment of glaring at both of them, muttering something about clichés and stupid teenage boys under his breath as he walks away. the man turns back to donghyuck, a sheepish grin lighting up on his face as he rubs the back of his head. "uh, are you okay?"

donghyuck nods absentmindedly in response, giving the man a once over with his eyes to check for anything potentially dangerous like he had been taught. he seems to be harmless, the sleeves of the expensive suit that looks to have been tailored specifically for him wrinkled and his chocolate hair slightly ruffled as if he had been running his hands through it. in reality, he appears to be around donghyuck's age, but the way he holds himself and the confident air about him makes him seem older. the dark eyes that are searching the other boy's face are a dark brown that resemble his hair, and the reflection of donghyuck in them seems small and wary.

"can you do me a favor?" the man nods, his eyes trusting and kind in a way that donghyuck hates. "can you take me home?"

two minutes later, donghyuck is cradled by the plush leather seat of the man's car, the heat flowing from the vents slowly drying his wet clothes and warming him up. the man hums as he drives, his rendition of a classic girl group song off tune in a way that was slightly endearing. when the comfortable yet awkward silence becomes too much for donghyuck to handle, he reaches out and turns the volume dial on the radio. the radio blinks the letters  _CD_ to indicate that a disc has already been inserted, and a song that he recognizes as one that sicheng always sang annoyingly loud in the shower starts to blare from the speakers. he can't help but chuckle. "you're a fan of girl groups, aren't you?" 

"of course!" he responds immediately, the way he holds his hand on his heart and nods seriously making donghyuck laugh. "girl groups are a fundamental part of the music industry, and yet they rarely get the credit they deserve and are constantly exploited and shamed. i mean, gee by snsd and sting by stellar are perhaps the greatest songs to ever exist!" he lowers his voice dramatically at this part. "you didn't hear it from me, but girl groups are superior."

"you remind me a lot of my friend," donghyuck says after he finally stops laughing at the other's antics.

"a fellow girl group enthusiast? you have to introduce me, then. we're a rare breed, unfortunately," he grins. "i'm mark lee, by the way."

"so, mark lee," donghyuck says slowly, remembering all the times taeyong had yelled at him to be more careful around strangers. "you're not a kidnapper or anything, right?"

mark sends him a wry look before averting his attention back to the road. "what kidnapper would admit to his victim that he's kidnapping them? but yeah, of course i'm not."

donghyuck sighs and relaxes in the seat, but he still keeps his hand near the knife he knows in his pocket. better safe than sorry. "i'm lee donghyuck, and that idiot back there was johnny. we're friends, but i still hate him."

"frenemies?" mark muses, and the other boy chimes in with an  _exactly._ "have we met before? your name sounds awfully familiar."

donghyuck shakes his head, and the other boy frowns for a minute before seemingly coming to a realization and tapping on the screen set into the console of the car. ringing replaces the music playing faintly in the background, and the words  _calling: dumbass secretary_ blink on the screen. the so-called dumbass secretary picks up after a few rings, a deep and sleepy sounding voice answering.

"hey, yukhei," mark scoffs, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel as the car slowly drives along. "were you sleeping on the job again?" the man on the other side of the line quickly denies it, but the loud yawn interrupting his sentence tells the truth. he gives up on the lie and asked what mark wants, and donghyuck can practically hear him pouting.

"what was the name of the final candidate for the bodyguard position? the one you were supposed to call?"

yukhei mutters a quick  _hold on_ and the sound of typing filsls the air before the man spoke again. "okay, his-" his voice is cut off by a dull thud and shuffling noises, as if he had dropped the phone. "shit, sorry. his name is lee donghyuck, and for your information, i tried to call and he didn't pick up, so stop being a little bitch."

mark quickly hangs up before his secretary can say anything else, laughing nervously, but donghyuck is too surprised by what he had said before that to worry about the secretary's attitude problems. "wait, so you're saying that the rich kid i applied to be a bodyguard for is  _you?"_

mark glances at the other boy rather sheepishly, sighing slightly when the words 'rich kid' leave his mouth. "you don't have to accept the offer, of course. i can find someone else."

donghyuck bites his lip and looks out the window, trying his best to weigh the pros and cons of the potential job. okay, he sighs internally. pros; he would be busy all day and probably wouldn't have to go home often, and mark seemed nice if a bit weird, but coming up with any more pros was a struggle. the cons; it would probably be a lot of work and donghyuck  _was_ supposed to be healing, mark seemed like the type to be constantly cracking stupid dad jokes, and mr. yukhei the dumbass secretary sounds like he hates his job and it was probably for a good reason. in the end, donghyuck can't decide and brings out the dealbreaker.

"how much does it pay?"

"hmm," mark begins, seemingly unfazed by the blunt question. "60k a year, if you do your job right and i don't die."

donghyuck's mouth drops open embarrassingly wide, making mark break into a fit of slightly wheezy and endearingly horrible laughter. "it's not that much, really. you might even get a raise."

mark turns his head to smile at the other boy, the sunlight cascading over the gentle slopes of his face and illuminating his features, and donghyuck is struck by how suddenly familiar mark looks. it takes another minute of staring at the boy before a memory rises from where it was conveniently buried in the back of his mind, and it felt like all of the air is stolen from his lungs.

mark is the boy from the mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who hates their writing style! me lmao  
> and also i KNOW that i should work on my other fics before publishing this but im so bad at committing to things can someone Please pressure me into updating.......  
> also im trying to hint at what happened with ten but i feel like no one knows what im talking abt so. also i suck at codenames and names for the other groups so PLEASE bear with me my 4 braincells are trying their very best... also if u can guess which idol groups the other gangs r (besides nct and svt) than congrats! u win  
> ignore any possible plot holes/inconsistencies because i just come up w plot points in my head and try to rmbr them & i dont read over anything so!  
> idk itll probably take a long time for me to update this cuz im depressed as Fuck but idk jst bear with me  
> the ending is rushed but i rly wanted to get this posted fhdhgfs  
> PLEASE tell me what u think


	2. where treachery and kindness coexist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just warning u guys! from this chapter on the violence and abuse get a lil heavy

being a good liar is normally something donghyuck prides himself on, but to tell the truth, all of his skill evaporates in front of mark.

mark is cheerfully oblivious to the other boy's inner turmoil, humming in a way that was possibly even more off tune than before and smiling unknowingly as donghyuck practically has a crisis just two feet away from him. however, mark doesn't seem to recognize him at all, and donghyuck sighs as he realizes that he probably won't have to use the surprisingly well thought out back story he had spent the past ten minutes piecing together in his mind after all.

the rest of the ride goes rather quietly, save for donghyuck subtly correcting the driver every time he turns in the wrong direction, despite the robotic voice that rattles off directions every few minutes. the rain has finally stopped by the time mark slows to a stop and pulls over at the curb outside the large apartment donghyuck calls home. he's about to get out when the other boy stops him. the wry smile and the twinkle in his eyes can only mean trouble, and donghyuck's suspicions are confirmed when a slim hand reaches into the pocket of his coat and pulls his phone out, fingers confidently typing something before holding it out again. "i put my number in," mark grins, and donghyuck can't bring himself to be too annoyed. "just in case that johnathan kid pulls something again."

he's about to make a snarky comment about how that was the worst attempt at flirting he's ever seen, but mark just hums a _go in_ and waves his hand, and he has no choice but to listen. as soon as his shoes hit the cracked pavement and the cold air surrounds him, donghyuck is reminded of his problems like a weight crashing down upon his temporarily light shoulders, and he groans as he stepped into the lobby. the guard today is a soft-looking yet muscular guy from X who smiles at donghyuck as the younger boy walks past him to the stairs. their apartment is all the way on the seventh floor which means he has a lot of time to think about what is to come.

the walk to his apartment feels like forever, but honestly, donghyuck would rather spend the rest of his day trudging up the seemingly endless stairs than face the pitying looks and questions he is sure to get as soon as he steps inside. he pauses outside the familiar door with the letters _NCT_ engraved into the wood. ( _johnny sucks dick_ is also carved into it, and his only explanation was that he had pissed off a member of another group. judging from the messy handwriting and past incidents, it was probably soonyoung.) donghyuck takes one more deep breath and steps into the familiar place, the frown on his face deepening when he notices that none of his friends are in sight.

he find everyone gathered around their kitchen table, which must've been repaired while he was gone, and with the grim looks on their faces and the way they're sat in a circle, it feels like donghyuck has just walked into a goddamn intervention. it's only when johnny leans forward and rests his folded hands on the table that he realizes it probably actually was one.

"welcome back," johnny says, and the happy and relieved looks renjun and jaemin send donghyuck somewhat lessen the dread growing in his stomach. the older members remain expressionless, and taeyong's head is bent forward as if he is ashamed.

"why are you guys looking at me like that? it's not like i'm a fucking addict or something," donghyuck grumbles as he sits down in the empty seat, and no one bothers to scold him for his language. he pauses for a moment before deciding to utter the words that had been lingering in his mind all day. "i'm moving out, by the way."

taeyong's head snaps up at this, and the panicked and betrayed look on his face tugs at donghyuck's heart. "donghyuck," he says, his voice soft and eyes questioning. "what are you talking about?"

the other reactions he gets are mixed. kun and sicheng almost simultaneously let out reserved sighs, as if they've seen this coming, which they probably have. the previously joyous looks on jaemin and renjun's faces have disappeared and are replaced by shock, and johnny is staring at donghyuck as if he had just killed his cat and just made a joke about it.

"i got a job," donghyuck mumbles, and he knows that wasn't enough of an explanation, but he really doesn't feel like doing anything, much less be forced into a pity party. "what did you guys want? i know you're not sitting there just for fun."

"i know you don't want to, but we need to talk about ten," taeyong sighs, and there's an undertone in his voice that begs donghyuck to just listen, to open up for once. "listen, i know it's a touchy subject, but what happened all those years ago was horrible. it's okay to not be okay, h-"

"stop acting like i have problems." donghyuck's voice is harsh, angry, even to himself and he almost wishes he could take the words back, but some small part of him revels in the way taeyong's gaze falters and sicheng refuses to make eye contact with him. that small part of him encourages him to be the bad person they made him out to be, tells him to do bad things until the whispering seeps into his veins and becomes an inseparable part of him, infiltrates his mind until he isn't sure whether his thoughts are truly his or if they belong to that part of him. he can't help but wonder if ten was like this too, if he had hurt donghyuck because something in him is missing too.

"donghyuck," taeyong repeats, holding his hands out as if to placate him. "nobody said there was anything wrong with you, hyuck, we just want to help you. sicheng told me that you've been having nightmares again."

he turns to glare at sicheng, and the way the chinese man flinches slightly under his sharp gaze sends guilt burning through donghyuck. he bites his lip in attempt to hold back the angry words bubbling up in his chest, the metallic taste of blood filling his mouth as he looks down at his hands. he knows he's being unreasonable and stupid but it feels like all of the emotions he has been holding back for so long have suddenly returned and are overflowing, burning through his veins like lava.

"please," donghyuck whispers, and the way his voice breaks makes him feel pathetic. "please stop talking about it. i don't- i don't want to think about it."

he lets taeyong pull him to his chest and stroke his hair with shaking hands, knows that taeyong has always been weak when it comes to him and is so, so scared of breaking him. donghyuck knows that all it takes is a plea, a single tear for him to give in.

he faintly hears johnny murmur something and everyone file out of the kitchen, feet scuffing lightly against the cold tile and low voices whispering. the fingers gently running through his hair are calming and his eyes slowly start to shut, the fatigue from the day finally catching up to him. taeyong hums when donghyuck voices his tiredness, the low sound vibrating in his chest. donghyuck nods wordlessly when he's asked if he wants to go to bed, and he smiles weakly when taeyong picks him up as if he was a child.

he tucks the blankets around him with hands that shake like a leaf under a gentle breeze, an unidentifiable emotion coloring his face as he looks down at the younger boy. it takes donghyuck a moment to realize that taeyong is on the verge of tears, unshed tears balancing precariously on his eyelashes and threatening to spill over.

"yongie," he rasps, the nickname he had used when he was younger slipping easily off of his tongue. "i'm sorry."

taeyong shakes his head immediately, drawing in a shaky breath. "you don't have anything to be sorry for, sunshine. it's okay, just go to sleep."

he's about to leave when a hand weakly circles his wrist, holding him back. "yongie," donghyuck says again, too tired to put a filter on his words. "stay with me, i'm scared."

donghyuck falls asleep with arms wrapped around him and a hand stroking his hair. his last thought before he drifts off is that it's okay ten left, because maybe he had a new brother now.

\---

donghyuck dreams of ten.

the dream starts out like it normally does; a memory of a dark, quiet room, a dull ache pulsating through his body. after what feels like an eternity, a door opens and he is bathed in light, so bright after the time he's spent in darkness that it hurts his eyes and sends him reeling. a lithe figure slowly makes its way towards him, all taut muscle and deadly grace. a familiar face appears in donghyuck's blurry vision, the sinister twinkle in ten's eyes contrasting sharply with the loving smile twisting his lips. "hyuck," he calls softly, and his voice sounds so _real_ that it makes donghyuck's chest ache. "do you know why you're here?"

his smile grows bigger, darker when donghyuck shakes his head. ten hums as if he was thinking, a pale hand snaking its way into donghyuck's hair and combing through it. "because," he whispers, leaning forward until his lips are nearly brushing the younger boy's ear. "you're not fucking good enough."

the hand in donghyuck's hair grabs ahold of dark strands and slams his head down into the cold ground, a scream tearing out of his lips as pain flares through him and darkens his vision. when the red fades, ten is still gazing down at him, his serene smile never wavering. for a moment, it feels like all of the fear and pain building inside of donghyuck are going to suffocate him, but some part of him forces himself to calm down, tells him that ten just wants him to be better. ten isn't trying to hurt him, he just wants him to be better.

these words fill donghyuck's mind as bruising kicks land against his ribs and a hand closes around his throat, the pain filling his mind until everything is a haze of hurt and fear. all he sees is red, the red-hot anger in ten's eyes and the crimson that stains the ground whenever he coughs. he's sure ten is about to kill him, that he's gonna die like this when a loud noise fills his ears and people run into the room, familiar yet unrecognizable figures tearing ten away from him and restraining him. trembling hands grasp his shoulders and shake him gently, and it takes donghyuck a minute to recognize taeyong's face above him. the look in taeyong's eyes is pure fear, a single tear slowly making its way down the curve of his cheek.

then something changes in taeyong's expression, his dark eyes hardening and his mouth twisting into a sneer. donghyuck knows that this isn't his taeyong, that the taeyong he knows and trusts would never look at him like this, but he can't seem to stop the fear that flows icily through his veins and wraps itself around his heart.

"it's your fault," taeyong says slowly, each heavy word stabbing into donghyuck's heart like a dagger. "you deserve this, donghyuck."

something flashes in his hand, and just when the pain starts to blossom in donghyuck's chest, everything fades.

\---

donghyuck wakes up screaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> k so i was jst gonna drag this chapter on but ive Changed My Mind. also big thanks to my proofreader n new friend ali??? ur the best!  
> this is the first time ive actually been motivated enough to update one of my fics so write this down in the history books fellas. (im prob gonna update this or my superher fic next if anyone cares) also i know the ending sucks but for some reason i love it so sorry  
> my 2 braincells aren't working rn so idk what else to ramble abt but thank u so much for reading!!!!! comment what u think pls


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